Friday, December 28, 2007
I give you permission to browse away from this blog now.
An heart-breaking month. I had to finally give-up on New York City, leave the great apartment I found and return to Edmonton. My birthday was spent flying and crying. How sad is that? When I got back to Edmonton, I remembered why I love it so – my friends.
As the effects of going from NYC to Edmonton started to really hit me, I became bored with my job and my life. It is difficult to appreciate the things you have when you long for the things you have lost.
A brutal job interview – that I didn’t get. A great trip with a dear friend and a lot of shopping to go with it.
I fell for a boy. A boy that changed what I thought I wanted in a person and helped me really care for a person for the first time in a while. It is rare to find something and someone like that. God do I love those butterflies you get when you start seeing someone. Magical. Oh and I was published. Twice.
So in love. May was spent traveling around the country following the boy. One of the best trips was to Regina, I enjoyed doing nothing but smoking, drinking and harassing Legislative pages. What more could a girl want? I also got a great roommate in May. I loved living with Big Daddy this summer, it was fun and not annoying at all. Saw Feist and The Killers.
Why is that the fear of something is often worse than the reality of it? June was spent traveling from coast-to-coast, Vancouver to Halifax in a week. First to visit the boy and then to watch an old friend get married. The middle of June was difficult to say the least, as this was my first visit of the summer to the hospital. Four days in hospital, what is worse than that? Oh, the boy seeing me in my hospital gown, that is what. Also bought the greatest game of all time. It helped shape my summer, and the summers of Big Daddy and P3. So many night spent playing on my balcony and in the living room. Many curse words said and a few feelings hurt, but I still want wheat for ore.
Another hospital visit and another trip to Vancouver, but this time we drove back to Edmonton. Beautiful. Not having full control of your body can really ruin a month. The boy was a wonderful support system, giving me an outlet I refused to burden my friends with. There are some things you can’t ask for, but when they are given to you, wow.
Camping for the first time, which was surprisingly fun. Whoda thunk it? I also made a decision to put myself out there career-wise. I gave my resignation to the hotel and decided to have ‘the fear’. Oh I got the fear, that is for sure.
Went out east to meet the boy’s grandma and extended family. What an honor it is for someone to think you are special enough to meet important people. I have never had anyone think I was that special. We also went to Montreal to visit Harp and Big Daddy. Oh yeah, I finally got a job and I moved. Wow, September was kinda a big deal.
Settled into my new life and had a hard time doing it. How does someone go from having the greatest people in the world, just a phone call away to having only one person to talk to? Not very well. I lost myself in October. I didn’t do the things I like doing, having the life I like having and being the person it took me so long to like. I keep on chalking it up to the various changes in my life, but really, the burden is solely on me for not trying harder to be the things I wanted to be. My bad.
Fell in love with my job. The work, the people, the whole thing is great. I couldn’t have asked for a better job and feel vindicated for holding out for so long. Take that dad. Visited Edmonton and became very sad. Went to Whistler and didn’t ski. Saw M.I.A. Holla!
How things change. My first real break-up with a boy that I care about. Really, the first boy I have ever cared about. How can a person be so wrong about a situation, thinking you are going to spend a significant about of time with a person, to not being able to spend anymore time with them? It makes me wonder, where did the awesome go? Because it was awesome. More awesome than anything I have experienced before.
And that is my year in review.
I stole this idea from Sarah, who told me about a lady who wrote about her 23 year marriage with a paragraph for every year. I cannot imagine being concise enough to do something like that. Or having that good of a memory for that matter.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The only great thing about Christmas is that I get to hang out with my family and friends. After the break-up, Dad kindly bought me a ticket to come home for the holidays. It was exactly what I needed.
I got to sleep in my own bed. Watch TV till all hours of the night. Sleep in whatever I want to. Fall asleep with the TV on. It was great.
I also got to hang out with the majority of my friends. Even though I think I am over the worst of the post break-up blues, it is amazing how much friends help. Just being around them and having them there is helpful.
I also got to hang with the rents. I love my parents, I really do, but small doses is all I can take. Dad has a habit of needling me until I lose it and mom just fusses too much. I know both are coming from decent places, (mom's quirk is WAY better than dad's) but let me be!
Anyways, got to see a ton of people and reminded me this: If it wasn't for this job that I love, I would remain in Edmonton. I don't care what people say - I love it. And if not New York, then why not Edmonton.
Oh, I am going to see MSTRKRFT and Paul Devro tomorrow. I saw Paul Devro at this show in Edmonton and he was wicked good. So, maybe Saturday I will write talking about how many new friends I have and how great my life is.
Ok, maybe not, but a girl can hope right??
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
This happened before P3 and I broke up. Some of it good and some of it bad, but truly unrecognizable.
- Doing the limbo with New York
- Single and loving it
- No job
- Kinda fat
- Working at the hotel (depressing)
- Living in Vancouver - who saw that one coming
- Single and not loving it right now
- Great job
- Not so fat
- NOT WORKING AT THE HOTEL!
The thing that really bugs me, is since I have moved out here, I haven't been comfortable. Part of that had to do with my living situation, you see, P3 is very much enjoys renting a house and having others rent rooms from him.
I am not.
I like my own space, I want to get my toast in my bra some mornings and why shouldn't I? I have earned the right to nudity.
So for the past three months, I have been living in this situation with a boy I deeply care about not really enjoying it. Sure I got used to it, but there is something to be said for loving your life.
God do I miss loving my life.
And I did. I LOVED my life. Do what I want, when I want. Not answer to anyone or have to respond to any questions. Life was mine. UGH
I fucking hate breakups.
This is why I never dated.
Sorry, went on a tangent there. The really frustrating part of these past two weeks has been the apartment hunting. It is frustrating and depressing and may cause me to jump off a bridge - thankfully there are a few to choose from here. I have seen SO many apartments, most I hate but still can't afford and the ones I like, I REALLY can't afford.
How do people live in this city? I mean, NY, I got it, it is worth starving to live there. But seriously, Vancouver, what the fuck?
There you go, one more rant for the day.
And ... in the past week I have heard the same Beach Boys song like 8 times, when I don't actually remember hearing it more than once ever before. Why do things like that happen? Once you notice something, it keeps on popping up. It can't just be coincidence can it?
Sunday, December 16, 2007
You always think, when you start a relationship, "Could this be it?" Funny how chances are, it isn't.
Think about it, no relationships work out until the one that finally does. So I know I am not alone in my misery, in fact, because I have been unable to find a place to call home yet, I share my misery with my ex.
How messed up is that? I swear, the comedy of errors that is my life would make a very weird little movie. I am convinced.
So I sit here on a Sunday, waiting to go and view a couple of places and keep my fingers crossed that I can live in one of them.
The other thing that really sucks is that he has become one of my best friends. Not to mention one of my only friends in Vancouver. I am now down to three. AWESOME!
There it is. My inability to forge a lasting romantic relationship appears to have taken over again.
Friday, December 07, 2007
I have gotten away from the things I love. Aimlessly wandering around the city and finding randomness in my day.
Have I mentioned I love the random things in life? Well I do. Very much.
I was hell-bent on doing my own thang yesterday. This consisted of me spending a little friendly time after work and heading to the Art Gallery.
I am not an art connosuer. I like art, but not all of it and I definitely don’t get a lot of it.
The gallery itself is very nice, although they really need to re-do their restrooms. I have seen nicer ones in the Greyhound station in Edmonton. (Don’t ask why I was there) The gallery had a very interesting Georgia O’Keefe exhibit, some weird short films (like seriously weird) and then of course, Emily Carr. Oh Emily Carr, the jewel of Canadian art.
The thing that disappointed me, other than the bathrooms, was the fact that I was fully expecting the Monet to Dali exhibit. I love love love Dali. But it wasn’t there. Ugh.
Oh yeah, I also found this spot in Vancouver that SOO reminded me of New York. There is a spot on the steps of the Art Gallery that felt so much like the park across from The Plaza. Old hotel going through renovations, a fountain, cars stuck in traffic – ah the joys of the city.
All in all my favorite of my Vancouver days so far. It was the first time in a very long time that I was Iris… the coolest person ever! (Ok, just to me and Smelly, but whatev)